Southwest Florida's Health and Wellness Magazine  

 Lee Edition

December 1, 2019

By Hilary A. Sojdak, MSN, APRN, PMHNP

It is a typical Tuesday afternoon in the office, my last patient has checked out, scheduled their next appointment, and the second half of my day is beginning. It is time to shift my focus onto what I endearingly refer to as my “second” full time job, business administration ‘stuff’, when an email crosses my path from my business partner asking me to write an article about what it is like to be a female business partner of a psychiatric private outpatient practice… ‘draft due in the AM’. My attention to the insurance website I had been trying to figure out with my credentialing coordinator suddenly became a back priority, along with everything else in my wave of anxiety.

My business partner is a male, a distinguished gentleman of 72 years, which is a stark contrast to me, a female, at age 41. Together, Dr. Robert Pollack and I own Psychiatric Associates of Southwest Florida (PASWFL) as of January 1 of this year, 2019. I signed up for the role knowing it’d be the undertaking of my career to date. I felt ready for the challenge, ready to take it all on and to learn about the business aspect of what I have otherwise been doing since 2011, as a practicing psychiatric nurse practitioner working in private practice.

“So? What of it?”, I ask myself while I stare at the computer screen in the early hours of the morning. I’ve been pondering this topic all night. Without a clear answer immediately available, I allow myself to break concentration for my mind to wander.

What IS IT like being a female business partner? I am not sure I even quite know. I could write pages of ramblings on my thoughts of what it is like for ME to be a business partner, but I cannot generalize that experience to the remaining female business owners or partners out there. A Google search yields little other than blog and magazine articles about the differences between men and women in business, each trashing the other gender while trying to persuade the reader why one should stick with their own gender in business partnerships, and empowering women to not succumb to pressure to work with, hire or partner with a man; the posts say simply, ‘a business does not need a man’…

But… that doesn’t apply to me, my life or my business. and I am not interested in writing another mundane article of gender trashing. Furthermore, I need my male business partner. He is my mentor, lifeline, coach, confidant, best friend, and best critic (next to myself), … I am certain he knows myself better than I do, and he always seems to be at least two steps ahead of me just waiting for me to catch up so he can help me get going in the next right direction.

Not to mention he is my collaborating physician, which makes our partnership more unique in that he is a psychiatrist, a MD, whereas, I am a nurse practitioner, with a masters degree in nursing and specialty certification in psychiatry. With these differences, I always found myself with a bit of delight when he would introduce me as his “partner” to professional colleagues while they inquisitively gaze to my direction, I see them nod politely, avoiding eye contact with me, and uncomfortably shift the weight of their stance, clearly not sure what to make of the situation. And just when it seems that the discomfort is too much to bear, my partner comes to the situation’s rescue by clarifying in a more boisterous voice, “this is my BUSINESS partner”. The invisible tension dissipates, and cordial handshakes and greetings then begin.

That is as much as I have consciously thought about my gender and its influence in or on my business.

“Or is it?” I wonder aloud.

My second Google search yields articles about the emotional, and psychological impact of entrepreneurship on women, and bunches of other entries written by females for females offering support for anxiety disorders, and identifies for the reader various self-help types of measures or activities the reader can adopt to manage the stress. They all seem unreasonable for me at least, right now in my life.

I am not going to follow that literary path either, anxiety is part of the package I signed up for. I have had my fair share of panic attacks, ‘nervous’ breakdowns, random freak outs, depressed hours, and tearful days. I assume no more or less than any rookie entrepreneur, male or female, would experience. For me, failure is never a true option, so I tell myself I have to cope with whatever comes at me, and it’s up to me alone, to figure it out. Let’s face it, I am far too in debt right now, physically and mentally exhausted and with far better things I could be accomplishing in the one to four hours it would take me to attend a Yoga or meditation class at my local gym. Not that I have anything against those, I do not. I admire anyone that has the dedication to attending religiously and being able to engage in meaningful meditation. For me, my mind is far too cluttered, the extraneous stimuli of multiple individuals, sights, lights, sounds and smells by far muddies my already distracted and randomly firing thoughts and ideas in my mind. I utilize the momentary walk down my driveway on a weekly basis taking the trash cans out to the curb to stop and reflect on my list of gratitude and needed fixes.

My anxiety is always either my own doing directly or indirectly, or my own skewed misperceptions or a result of maladaptive coping mechanisms, and like many Americans of any gender, centers around finances and my

avoidance of dealing with timely. Does that have anything to do with being female and a business partner? Maybe, but likely not in my case. I have what is largely coined a woman’s struggle in society of trying to meet multiple role expectations of working woman, mother, housekeeper, cook etc… but, I suspect, and can tell you with a reasonable degree of certainty from my observations in practice alone, it is NOT just the struggle of women, it does not discriminate based on gender. I see the difference being largely that women are vocal and outspoken about anxiety, stress and meeting role expectations, whereas, men, or at least the majority I have had the privilege of working with, bottle it all up and suffer in silence with the perceived threat of making their ‘manhood’ appear vulnerable.

This is where I could go off on a soapbox tangent, but I will spare you as my reader the agony. I return to considering the text and blurt out “Great, and so What exactly AM I?”… a practitioner, clinician, a nurse and therapist in addition to all the sub roles that comes with my first line career of a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner (PMHNP). I am also a partner and business owner, entrepreneur of a growing, and expanding. psychiatric practice. I am a mother of a 20-something year old adult son. I am a homeowner, and also a landlord, all the challenges and delights that all entails: bill payer, appointment and service coordinator, the housekeeper, the grocery shopper, decorator, organizer, and handywoman of extraordinarily simple tasks that I am otherwise confident I can conduct without utter and mass destruction. I am the “universe” and “slave” to a pack of six sighthounds, both male and female Afghan Hounds, and I am an only adopted child, and sole daughter to my parents now in their 70s. I am a best friend, and a listening ear, advice giver, and anything else asked of and (importantly) accepted by me to be or do.

These roles only partially define me, they indicate what I am doing with my time and efforts in the present. They do not define the core of “who” I am, my personality, and they only reflect a portion of my passions, loves and interests. My gender is female, but it is not my life role, duty, job, and it is not my greatest asset or handicap. I do not allow it to label me, entitle me, limit me, or consume me. My experience in the role as a business partner and owner at PASWFL with Dr. Pollack has been the utmost career and life changing. It has allowed me to mature in a magnitude of ways both professionally and personally. It is a roller coaster of emotions, thoughts, ideas and experiences. It is a wild ride and it is my greatest challenge, feat, endeavor and accomplishment, my biggest passion, sense of belonging, laughter, tears, heartbreak and headache. It has become my surrogate ‘family’.

But what it is truly, is the most influential and shaping point in my career and in my life. It is an experience that I know will always retain itself in my history as being the most defining moment of my lifetime. Each week as I walk my driveway with trash cans in tow, I take a moment or two to stop, admire the scenery and the night sky, and secretly acknowledging my ongoing gratitude and recognition that not one thing here would ever be a possibility if I was without my opposite-gendered business partner in our psychiatric privately-owned practice here in SW Florida.

PASWFL PSYCHIATRY